Finale of 2013.

Guess I won't have any mood to write until my finals is over so.. new year resolution first? lol

Mom and dad came to Cheras today. Because I keep bugging them that I will go PJ after class and have him to fetch me after that. I don't know why I need to see them so much right now. Wrong profession chosen eh? Looking at the uncles and aunties came to the clinic without their kids accompanying make me feel so bad. I am not with my parents as well isn't it. Really feel jelly with those who are by their parents' side everyday. How lucky =/

So..new year resolution:
1) Spend more time with them.
2) Be a good girl (as in stop emo-ing that much) and medical student.
3) PASS MY EXAMSSSS!!!!!!

Till then.

The "N"s in my life

If there is an epic Prof. N in O&G department, in surgery, we have a legendary Dr. N.

I feel the same whenever they are in front of me, that special aura that makes my muscles tensed up and brain function to slow down. 

Clinic #1: 

"Neoh, examine the neck swelling of this patient."

After all the palpation and percussion .....

"What are your differentials?"

*gulp. 

"erm, goiter?" *took a quick glance at her face. 

Face changes noted. Not a good answer. 

"That is a SIGN. Now give me DIAGNOSIS" 

I just stared blankly at the table and pretending I was trying hard to think while my brain is actually...empty. 

And I forgot what happened next.

Not even the simplest thyroglossal cyst I can say it out loud. Feel like smacking myself after that. 

Clinic #2:

"Neoh, clerk this patient." 

FYI she doesn't want us to clerk beforehand. She usually did it on the spot. Like this.

After booming the patient with all the signs and symptoms of hyperthyroidism, I turned and look at her..

"Not enough."

*gasped.
Think nhl thinkkkk.

ok deep breath in........"macam mana dengan period puan?"

"HA!"

oh that feels good.

***************************************************************************
Well most of the time I ended up like in the first situation. And it sometimes makes me feel so frustrated when I can't remember stuffs from pre clinical year.
Time to gear up and work harder. 


p/s: I am a "N" too! LOL  

Insane

I am not sure whether it's the sugar rush (after having roti plantar and kit kat) or the stimulations I got from OT (waited for an hour and observed a 5 mins procedure and didn't get my logbook signed) , I went freaking-ly insane today e.g. keep singing songs from frozen, talking non stop, forcing people to laugh and talk with me, and holding the cap from OT n swing it like no body business. And all I got is \(O.O)/ this look from everyone.


Well, I converted anger into insanity. Yay.

Frozen!

I am lost.

It feels like you are in a big big sea holding onto a tiny tiny piece of oak. So this is how it feels like, clinical years. Study mood come back to me pleaseeeeeeee.

" You are studying to be a doctor, not to pass exams."

*breath innnnnnnnnnnnn.

Okay. Right. Doctor. I am actually going to be a doctor.

Self motivation is so important to keep yourself on the track. The right track. Ok self slap. *slap slap.

LOL enough craps. Soooooooooooo i went to watch FROZEN!!! Like finallyyyy. Been hearing people talking about how good how nice the movie is. Disney movie lehhhh.. So... even though it's study week he still come and watch with me *sobs. Ok la maybe I got a little bit too emo recently so he promise to watch with me andddddddddd this movie completely cheers me up!

Drumrollssssssssssssssss....

TADA!

Idina Menzel's voice is so crazy freaking good that I got goosebumps even the cinema is so hot. LOL. And Olaf is so cute! Laugh-til-cry that kinda funny. X)

Thank you Mr. A for always trying to keep me away from the emo line lollll.
Jia you for exam! ♥

Surgery posting

Entering the third week of surgery posting, and no, it's not like the picture above. Entering the OT to us is a waste of time. You don't understand what's going on and ended up just stand far far away
like a wallpaper. In fact I feel that surgery is more stressful than O&G because there's a lot to read and basically you go to ward everyday and wandering around to look for procedures. The unfriendly nurses with keep telling you no when you asked whether is there any. =/
So...if you are lucky then you will have at least few signatures on your log book and if you are not....you are back with an empty brain.
Andddddd there's 2 LONG case write up to be done. T.T


http://www.mmgazette.com/how-a-pencil-became-my-teacher-ayesyah-abdullah/
Totally agree with what she said. Time to have a neholi's jar of happiness. :)

Holllydayyyyy

I'm such a lazy bum. -.- I swore that I am going to finish reading my gynae text book during this holiday (like finally) but still..the first day of holiday defined who you are for the rest of your holiday. So I ended up downloading games from google playstore and checking updates from facebook and instargram everyday. And did nothing else except eat and sleep -.- Every night I feel like throwing my phone and tab away. How pathetic -.-

I wonder how others update their blog regularly. It's like a mission impossible to me. *slap self. Well it's the 6th week in O&G and I finally got the chance to meet the most epic doctor ever. And guess what I have hyperventilation whenever she stares at me. That aura. That pair of eyes. @@
Of course, there's a lot of scoldings you can get in O&G. People can just scold you for no reason. And they won's stop scolding like forever -.- It scares me that I actually had a thought of why am I here to be scolded by you? I mean they were medical students few years back right..why so mean? I don't mind about the scoldings but if you scold me for no reason and I got zero input after that.. it pissed me off. For wasting your time and my time =/
But still, I am happy to be in O&G as most patients are pregnant mother anticipating their babyyyy. :D

So...yeah I am gonna start reading tomorrow. LOL

PPD Camp II 2013/2014

Went to Ulu Sepri, Rembau, Negeri Sembilan again for the second time. I am glad that I learnt something from this PPD camp, thanks to our facilitators Prof Dayang (peads surgeon) and Pn Ruth (nursing department). 

I have always been thinking that what would I be in future if I was not chosen to enter the faculty of medicine. Thank god for giving me a chance to be here, as a doctor in training, to have wonderful experiences in my life. Throughout this course, we are expected to manage our time well, to be able to communicate with people, to keep a poker face and not to judge people, to be caring and empathy, to dress and act professionally, less complaining, besides performing well academically. 

I have always been amazed by the doctors I met, they are so great and knowledgeable that kept me thinking, when will I become one of them? Am I going to be a good doctor? Am I able to inspire people like what they are doing right now? 

Tomorrow is the day where our real posting starts. 3 more years, hopefully, I will become one of them. :)

Insomnia.

Maybe it should be "unwilling to sleep" instead of insomnia. 19/8. It's getting nearer and nearer. I don't want to go back and face all the same old things again. 

No I am not strong enough yet. Still, I am trying to escape from the reality.

How I wish that the clock will stop ticking...

Pain.

Pain, is the most complained symptom doctors are going to get from patients, a doctor once told me. It seems to be the easiest symptom for us medical students to start with the history taking because there's a mnemonic of what we have to ask in order to assess the pain, the "SOCRATES". Site, Onset, Character, Radiation, Associations, Time, Exacerbating/relieving factors and Severity.

Well if you had experienced any pain with a severity of 10/10, I guess it would be unforgettable. It sucks, to the extend that you are no longer yourself any more. For me, the worst case scenario is definitely gonna be the pain that never stop haunting me for every 28 days-period pain (also known as dysmenorrhoea)

Pain killer has become a must for me when the big day comes, or else I am going crazy. Exercising and avoiding cold drinks will be the only way to relieve the pain besides taking meds every month. But for someone like me with a complete lack of determination and perseverance that's not something that I will do every month lol *self slap. So whenever someone says she got period pain, I will be like *pics below.

And no I am not writing this to describe how pain is it or how to relieve the pain, all I wanted to say is.... life is short. Enjoy it when you're not in pain. LOL

When laziness strikes..

That's how lazy I am. 

The end. 

Random thoughts

30.12.12_landscape album

You know, I never really succeed in doing what I have planned for my holidays. *I have forgotten what was my plan either. I think blogging is a good way for me to remember what I have done but I am just too lazy. It's so amazing that I have no idea I written that before. It's like reading a story of a complete stranger lol. I wonder how many diaries I have wasted because every time when my mood comes I will find a brand new diary and write one page and...that's it. Lost/collecting dust/recycle/forgotten. 
Soooo, I'm determined to write a post....every month? so that I can laugh at myself when I am old. (let's see)

So the second year of medical student's life had ended and I'm currently repeating the cycle of eating, sleeping and eating everyday. A drastic change I say, the second year of my medical school life, had taught me a lot. A lot of crying, less laughter. A lot of changes, perhaps it's good. Backstabbing, fake smile, fake fake fakers. Sometimes it makes me feel like communicating with minions rather than human lol. People still judge, even if they said they don't. (including myself) So why care so much, just be yourself lah. BUT still, you can't just be yourself. Have to fake a smile even though you don't feel like smiling. Have to say hi even you don't feel like talking. This is socialising. And this is life. (ok maybe a little bit of negativity)
I was surprise that I enjoyed the conference so much even though it is super tiring. Kinda regret that I didn't become GM because you can't really get to know many delegates by becoming an organising committee. It is fun when you meet someone from different countries and simply talk craps hahaha. Because the backgrounds are still clean (if you get what I mean lol)


Change; we don't like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change, or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying. But here's the truth: The more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Sometimes change, is, everything. ~Greys anatomy

I am thankful that I still have my friends in Penang. The sense of belonging.
At least things don't change too much here. 

Craps.

Somehow I got a feeling that everyone out there don't really like me. Well maybe not everyone. Most of them. Stupid isn't it. @@. My level of confidence could be that low sometimes.

I need to stop crushing candies cuz it make my heart beats faster & it affects my mood whenever i'm so close to completing that level. =.=
It's just a game. It's just a game. 

白日梦

我很想家 。
家是我的避风港。
每个人都有自己不能说的秘密。
我的秘密，收得很辛苦。
外表嘻嘻哈哈，回到房间打回原形。
突然觉得人生失去方向，虽然目标只有一个。
太放纵自己了，读书变得要奖励才能继续。
读了一天不到一面，我的天。Matric 时候酱的话没有未来了咯。
人似乎都变了。。。
21 岁。。很大了hor。
有时候很想slap 一 slap 自己，是时候长大了。

*原来一个人真的很容易胡思乱想。@@

Note to self.

其實大多數人都不在乎你


有一句諺語說得好：「20歲時的人，會顧慮旁人對自己的看法；40歲時的人，不理會別人對自己的想法；60歲時的人，發現別人根本就沒有想到過自己。」

大多數人其實並不在意你。真正在意你的人，往往是愛你的人。而在這個世界上，真正愛你

的人並不會太多。因此，你不要太在意別人的看法，你只要在意真正愛你的人對你的看法就

可以了。


事實上，不是真正愛你的人對你說過什麼，對方很快就忘記了，而你卻常常記著，特別是讚


美自己和批評自己的話。讚美自己的話可以帶來開心，這種在意倒還有些必要。但在意批評

的話，難免會給自己帶來糟糕的心情，這就很不值得了。


有一位學生，是學校里大家公認的「歌星」，無論多麼高難度的歌曲，經他的嘴一唱，總是

變得輕鬆動聽。

有一次，學校舉辦歌唱大賽，他連預選賽都沒有參加，就被班主任直接保送進了決賽現場。

但是，由於精神緊張，他在比賽中完全沒有發揮出自己應有的水平，得了最後一名。

這件事過去了很長時間了，他還在因此而鬱鬱寡歡。他一遍遍地到班主任那裡去解釋：「我

那天有點感冒了，嗓子啞了，否則，我一定能取得名次的。」


老師安慰他：「沒有關係，我相信你！」

可是他仍然見了老師就提這件事情，把老師搞得恨不能遠遠地躲開他。

在生活中，很多人都太在意自己的感覺了，把自己搞得敏感兮兮的。有些人在路上不小心摔

了一跤，惹得路人哈哈大笑，摔跤者在尷尬之下，還會認為全天下的人都在看著自己出醜。

但是，若我們能將心比心，換位思考一下，就會發現其實這種事只是路人們生活中的一個小

插曲而已，甚至於他們在哈哈一笑之後，就早拋諸腦後了，只有當事人還執著於心，沒能放

下！

真正愛你的人，才會把你的一舉一動都放在心上，他們會為你的快樂而快樂，為你的悲傷而


悲傷。但真正愛你的人，肯定不會嘲笑你的醜態，不會看不起你的缺點，他們只會鼓勵和支

持你！

大多數人其實並不在意你，每個人都有自己的事情要做，並沒有多少時間把注意力完全集中

到我們身上，無論我們是出彩還是出醜了。認清了這一點，也許你就能「放下」心中的包

袱，輕鬆地享受生活了。

Colours.

I care about how people think about me when something happened. I care a lot. I won't even stop thinking about it even it is just..a very small matter. I'm like this since I was in primary school. The coloured spectacles that I thought everyone should have. To judge what is good or bad. To see what is right or wrong. To hate or to love.

Maybe I'm the only one having it. 

Brand new me

"Another ordinary teenage girl.Love the feeling of freedom.Had her goals set and is on her way to achieve them.Believe in karma and destiny. Enjoy food,music,peace and of course,life. "Life's a climb, but the view is great." >>>


What happened to that person that wrote the above statement? I don't know. All the negativity starts to creep in. Should I blame the mundane uni life or my matric and secondary school life are wayyyyyyy to awesome? People around you matters the most anyway. 

Im gonna change. I don't know how but im going to. LOL. Cuz all I can think of is emo-ness. And more emo-ness everyday. So..it's gonna be a brand new me! Or I think im gonna find the old me.

Hopefully.  

Existence

What if no one remembers you if you disappear forever..?

No one will look for you..no one will even notice that you're gone..